smartphone

in late january 2026 i got a smartphone again. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! LAME! BOOOOOO. i know. i think so too

i enjoyed my little-over-2-years with a dumbphone a lot and think it was a great experience that i'd recommend for anyone interested!

the reason i quit actually kind of came as a surprise to me too. it was actually one of the very reasons i wanted to get rid of my smartphone in the first place: i was lonely.

so i thought that if i didn't spend so much time on my phone, i'd spend more of it IRL with my friends and meeting new people? WRONG! NAIVE ME

i don't want to say that i have bad friends, but maybe i just have bad friends? or possibly it's my own fault for not putting in enough effort and not being freakisly outgoing and social, or most likely it's just what the social norms have become.

apparently it is that much work to send a regular text message instead of whatsapp or an insta dm that i stopped being invited to places anymore. i told everyone to text my number or send me an email but barely anyone did. i became painfully aware of how little i actually matter to people

i fucking hate having a smartphone! it's so fucking ugly and lame and i'm embarrassed to use it in public. so far my loneliness hasn't even been fixed because jesus christ instagram is horrible and i made a new account and lasted two weeks after i deleted it because it makes me sick to my stomach!!! maybe i'll try to download it again but fuuuckkkk i hate it i hate all of it and why do all of my current and potential friends have most of their social life on there????

my main comfort has been being able to access an unnamed forum that i spend most of my time on and actually feel at home at. i can escape all of the uncomfortableness of boredom and loneliness and not fitting in by escaping into my own little world. i don't know if it's a good thing?

if i ever get a functional irl social life again i'm going back to my kyocera phone in an instant. until then it's dealing with this. :/ honestly i don't give a shit about store point cards or online verification or bus card in my phone or google maps or whatever, maybe i'm an outlier but i was living really comfortably without all of those "modern world necessities".

so i guess this is all to say that i'm not the problem but the whole world is? lol. if i had even one irl friend who also didn't have a smartphone i think i'd still happily be doing this. it's not nice to be alone alone.

at least i'm happy that contrary to my expections and fears my screen time didn't jump up to 10h+ the instant i got a smartphone. it's about 2h consisting of firefox (looking at the forum and wikipedia) and discord, telegram, etc. i still can't keep apps like instagram or pinterest or news apps without losing control but i'm in a good enough headspace to be able to resist installing them altogether.