diary

4.12.2025

my previous entry is pretty funny in retrospect. i went through a really rough patch (tbh most of my life nowadays is rough patches so take that as you will?)
i suffer from severe cringing at everything i've ever said syndrome and wanting to erase the evidence of it ever happening which makes it really hard to keep a diary... i'm brainstorming for alternate ideas.... i WILL make this work...
i feel like not much has happened besides bedrotting but i did decide to get a driver's license in a weird spike of energy? so i have to deal with that now that i went and paid the tuition fees already lol
having depression is fucking awful man i just lost 4 months of my life doing nothing I HATE THIS I WANT TO DO STUFF UGHHhh

5.8.2025

honestly i've been feeling really down for the past few days... i feel like i do everything wrong so i don't feel like doing anything at all... i feel like should be used to feeling this way by now.
i got a letter from my penpal this morning which cheered me up a bit ^^ she included a smiski phone charm in it so i have that on my phone now.
other than that i've been working on my site and watching anime. i finished new game!! today, i liked it a lot.
i also applied for a model call to a lolita event, eek!! i probably wont get in since i have no previous experience, but i just felt like i would really regret it if i didn't even try.

2.8.2025

I made a site button today! Feel free to add it on your site - and let me know so I can add your button to mine!
Here it is:

31.7.2025

Another concert today - I'm on a roll!
A few people (vanillamilkshake, maschinensturmer and frutigeraeroarchive) actually followed my site too, my account isn't a week old yet so I can't comment on things but you're all so cool!!! yayyayyy

I got my Azumanga Daiou anime box set today that I had ordered~~ It's so cute! It has these insert booklets with character reference sheets and interviews and stuff! I got it for a good price used because the area code is not the code for where I live. But I'm cool so by DVD player is area code-free! yay!

Here are some scans I took of the booklets:

Yomi is my favorite character in Azumanga + Chiyo-chan is too young to watch her own series

30.7.2025

I went to a concert with a friend today. The venue was really hot and I started feeling weak and anxious pretty quickly and had to leave early.
The concert was great so I think today will leave a happy memory. ^-^

I worked on my site today too, changed the layout, made a list of stuff I'd like to add, scavenged the net for cute graphics and whatnot.
I'm still pretty anxious writing stuff here - though I don't think anyone's even reading this yet. I'm scared of being annoying or looking stupid or being too much of a downer, the usual stuff. I hope I'll get over it soon. I want to have fun with this site.

28.7.2025

I've been home all day today, reflecting on the loneliness I've been feeling for a long time now. It's a weird feeling, growing up with the internet being more real than the real world, but finding that my reality consuming and destroying me whole, and having to leave, getting rid of my smartphone and social media accounts... I can't seem to find balance with my life. I couldn't go back to using a smartphone now that I'm finally free. But it's not like I hate the internet as a whole, I just hate the parts that I'm expected to use, if that makes sense? But it's so tiring to hate, I want to like the internet again. So maybe a personal website would be a good compromise, since they're trendy again and all? ( • ⩊ • )

I've set up my computer in the living room near the AC. The heat is pretty bad this year so I'm also sleeping on the sofa here ^^*. Besides working on my site I ate some watermelon and watched anime (Saki and New Game!!).